The guilt of being a mother!

Carter and his lack of eating




Since at least Christmas break I have noticed that Carter won't sleep especially during the day. At night he sleeps but thrashes around a lot and cries. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I thought he was just so busy playing during the day that I couldn't get him to sleep.



Then there is his eating. I always knew he wasn't a great eater but since his one year well visit I have been paying close attention to him and putting the dog outside when he eats. We noticed that sometimes he would only eat a banana all day. How could this be healthy? How could he feel full? Could this be why he doesn't sleep during the day?

The next question is why is that all that he eats? So we watched and watched. I talked to someone who used to be a feeding specialist and she thought that he maybe having a difficult time with his tongue. Interesting, so I watched and watched and realized that he would put food in his mouth, it would fall out, and then he threw it on the floor. Now we have noticed that he sticks the food back on his back gums avoiding his tongue all together and that sometimes that helps the food stay in his mouth. But there was still the question of why he wasn't drinking anything and his sleep. So we went back to the doctor.



She referred us to a speech therapist to see what they think about his tongue. Then she gave us a laxative. This may have been the miracle drug!!! My baby has more interest in food although he still has a tough time eating it. He sleeps!! He doesn’t just sleep, he sleeps through the night and he takes naps!!



Now the guilt begins! My baby had a stomach ache continually day after day all day long and I never did anything to help him. He was in so much pain. Poor baby!! I know that it happens and I am not the only one who has experienced this guilt but it is awful, I feel terrible! How could he be in pain and I not know. I just have to keep thinking about the joy that I can feel now that he is no longer in pain.